fishbowl

i feel like i'm always on the very outside of edge of where i want to be. who i want to be. it's almost as if there's a fence there i just can't hop. i keep getting stuck in the same ruts. i feel like i'm running in circles. like i can't escape. like i'm stuck in a fishbowl and all i want is to be in the ocean. i'd even settle for a medium size pond. i'm just not the person i want to be. no matter how hard i try i just fall back into the same routine and friend group and style and ugly personality. its not that where i am right now is horrible. but a prison is a prison no matter how decorated they make it seem.

maybe

i can't. i just. i don't even know what i'm trying to say...maybe, i'm trying to say that i am possibly the worst human being alive.
maybe i'm trying to say that i'm getting ready to go for a long walk.
maybe i'm trying to say that i'm hoping i freeze to death on that walk.
maybe i'm saying i wish i was dead.
maybe i think that it would be better for everyone if i was.

maybe its true.

A Fresh Start

So I rediscovered this blog sotospeak and upon reading over the few ancient posts I had on here I promptly deleted them. They were quite embarrassing and juvenile. Not to say that in the future looking back on these posts I won't think the same thing but at least blogs are mildly secret.
So I'm currently in the process of slowly killing myself through sleep deprivation as it is now almost six in the morning and I have yet to fall asleep. SHIT. I'll get to see the sunrise though. The only upside to my self-destruction. I may have developed insomnia, which might totally bite the big one...but whatever, just add that to my list of mental issues.
Oh. Here comes the sun.
Theres a 90% chance I'm PMSing right now which would explain why I sound like a crotchety old woman but I dont give a rat's ass at this point in my sleep deprivation cycle.
I'm going to attempt to pass out before the sun makes its entrance.

So,
Shug out.