fishbowl

i feel like i'm always on the very outside of edge of where i want to be. who i want to be. it's almost as if there's a fence there i just can't hop. i keep getting stuck in the same ruts. i feel like i'm running in circles. like i can't escape. like i'm stuck in a fishbowl and all i want is to be in the ocean. i'd even settle for a medium size pond. i'm just not the person i want to be. no matter how hard i try i just fall back into the same routine and friend group and style and ugly personality. its not that where i am right now is horrible. but a prison is a prison no matter how decorated they make it seem.

maybe

i can't. i just. i don't even know what i'm trying to say...maybe, i'm trying to say that i am possibly the worst human being alive.
maybe i'm trying to say that i'm getting ready to go for a long walk.
maybe i'm trying to say that i'm hoping i freeze to death on that walk.
maybe i'm saying i wish i was dead.
maybe i think that it would be better for everyone if i was.

maybe its true.